Memento Mori

Pak, bapak lihat awan?
mereka bergulungan di atas kita
(aku menatap langit yang tak biru, tertutup putih seluruhnya)
(lelah mereka menbentuk bentuk, cukup 1 permadani besar di atas sana)

Pak, aku yakin mereka berhati
merasa sama sepertimu dan aku
(merasa waktu mendetak dan mendetiki hidupnya)
(merasa hancur luntur bertangisan berkabung dirundung duka)

tapi Pak, langit yang begitu sedih tak pernah nampak sebelumnya
adakah ia menemaniku perlahan kehilanganmu?
(apakah ia menemanimu perlahan kehilanganku?)
(apakah ia menemanimu menangisi matiku hari ini?)

Pak, begitu indah hari ini
(langit begitu sedih kita tatap berlinangan)

Limbung

mendadak aku limbung melihatnya malam ini

tapi aku hanya bisa pulang.

A Case of Obsession

as they held on to each other in the end
i felt a definite kind of grief
in my heart, in my mind -
an overall cliche
of not ever seeing them again,
before realizing
that it's in fact
my heart, my self,
that needs mending
and a certain hug.

save me.

Wangimu Seperti Hujan

Wangimu seperti hujan
yang turun hari minggu pukul 10 pagi
hujan yang kusuka, yang meski turun deras namun tetap lembut bersuara.
Wangimu wangi yang biasa kuhirup di teras depan rumah.
Wangi yang biasa aku cinta.

Wangimu seperti hujan
yang turun ketika hari justru terlihat terang
hujan yang kusuka, yang meski turun tiba-tiba namun kunikmati setiap tetesnya.
Wangimu wangi yang datang membawakan kenyamanan untukku saat suara hujan berpadu bersama lagu-lagu di dalam mobil yang melaju.
Wangi yang selalu aku cinta.

Lost Cause

the emotion against me is unrelenting
and this tireful fight is still.
but i'm failing to breathe
as i'm filled with exhaustion.
cause when you're playing it by heart,
there's that chance of a love you can never impart.

motionless

the gray sky
melts. into
blue.

i cried while
hiding.
behind its dripping drops.

motionless
as the trickled ground.

down.
forgotten.

open letter

Tonight we shall wave adieu beneath the tall shadows of these trees. It will be a promise to vow our absences after this last meet. But you should know my heart, my dear, before we leave. It's deeply sadden by a reason of an ache that it's learned how to inveigle, to obfuscate itself that it believes in its lies. Lies that concerns you and your heart, and me, and mine. Lies that it had to construct so now it would not shatter so when we kiss our last kiss. It deceives by exchanging reality with the wrong truth - my wrong truth. Forgive my heart, because it wanted me to be your constant; all the while it was becoming tired of the pace you are leaving it with defeat. And while you have become my touchstone it realized it is not yours. Forgive my heart, my dear, it was hoping for the best. It knows well that you are my true heart, the center of my soul. But tonight we shall wave adieu beneath the tall shadows of these trees.

I will bow out and we shall say goodbye.

Misty Eyes Tonight.

She remembers that night too well. As the tides were coming close to her feet, she recalls the night years ago when she fell deeper into the starry sky above and the warmest see breeze she had ever felt. A head rest on her shoulders that night and they both counted the uncountable stars. They both enjoyed how the sand stuck between their toes felt; calming, soothing, perfect to ease the pain out of their hearts. She recalled to herself how much she loved the man who leaned on her shoulders. How, then, gently he got his head up and gave her his shoulder to lean on, and counted not the stars anymore, but things they'd rather be doing than this; and there were none. How they loved each other and that night.

Over the years she remembers that night by heart while he is now away and never coming back. Yet she's still not letting go of anything he'd ever was. Waiting in perpetuity, as the memories form a hope of another acquaintance, another time of a starry, starry night. But on this night, this particular night, all she remembers is the memory of them being afraid.

Tonight, she is standing on the beach of several years past and remembers how she soundlessly cried for realizing this world was never meant for him. Tonight, she chooses to wallow in grievance for her loss.

Tonight, is the night of all nights.

To Your Unborn Child and Your Leaving

intro: A man was nearly killed today @ Bantar Gebang while he was collecting trash for him to sell to feed his family. The garbage pile was too huge to handle and formed a small hill that almost befallen him. He was lucky. His 3 friends haven't been found. But they were luckier. A woman was found dead. Unlike the 3 men, that 5months-old child inside of her will never knew life at all.

have you read hemingway's 'baby shoes'?*
as it was, this is a short reference
of a sad grievance
i feel as if we have been acquainted

i bid you farewell
i offer you apologies
of people leaving behind trashy bits
from this consuming way of life

we have buried you over
with plastic truths and lies;
demoralization leftovers
we shoo away with red trucks

to your unborn child and your leaving;
up there you'll have clean air
so you're welcome to look down
and be grateful for your sooner departure

to your unborn child and your leaving;
this is my heart here,
it's
yours to take

ketika aku sedang ingin menangis merindukanmu

kau lihat awan yang bergulir-gulir di atas situ?
itulah yang kusuka dari langit
seperti aku menyukai jalanan kosong
melompong ketika malam sebentar lagi menjelang pagi
aku menyukai sepi yang tidak terlihat keramaiannya
aku menyukai ramai yang terlihat kesepian

insomnia

silence had me stiff
and i waited for
the sun to rise well
laying thoughts upon thoughts
resting hope upon hope

the clock points the hour
and the hour after that
and one more, but
pointless is this night
my eyes won't shut

tiresome, but
my eyes won't shut
and already comes
along with the dew;
a plan of staying awake for the moon

Alergi

Teman,
aku akan merindu
duduk diam bersamamu
menanti matahari meluntur senja
bersama awan yang merona merah

Broken Voodoo

it's now just a puppet
with no heart
or a pin stuck to it

i lost my voodoo
on you

Trippers By The Tides

don't you feel drunk?
i do. i see two of you
no matter though
i love looking at you

i love the spinning beach
how 'bout you?
then let's have another toast
get drunk and take off our shoes

let's run crazy funny on the sand
build up some castles and kick it again
don't bother rolling up your jeans
just let your feet touch the melting sea

let's converse about something, aimless
about kaleidoscopic eyes we're having right now
or just let tonight be tonight and
for a final let our kisses be goodbyes

so let us be trippers again
this one last night
until we are tired of being drunk
the next morning, when it's time to go back
to the world.

last kiss goodbye

oh hi,
i didn't see you there
then again i've never had you here
you went unseen somewhere

i caught a glimpse of you once
but i blocked the memory so it bounced
behind the enemy line i stood
sorry to say but i was fighting my dear old you

so when did you get here?
i thought you'd be nowhere near
so naturally i'm wrong again this time
you've crept your way all through my mind

it's not that i don't like you
i do, in fact, i really love you
but in a way i sincerely don't, clearly
because i always always end up teary

hush, not a word, i say
let this be my time to lay
to lean my head and close my eyes
to walk away and say goodbyes

so let this be a final closure
lets drift our ways apart, together
and yes, i will pine for you
but only because i wanted to

i will miss you the most
but you should be nothing but a ghost
here's my last kiss of adieu
keep it in your heart, forget you had it in you

getting close to the end

i think i'm gonna stay
i'll make you love me someday
i'll train to be numb
or at least to act less dumb

i'll lock away the reveries
i'll bury all the memories
sufficiently, i'll remember some things
although no more than just some flings

but that summer night on that terrace
while the others were nowhere near us
i'll keep the memory running inside
that is one thing i will not fight

i'll keep in mind the song that was playing
and the horrible voice who was singing
and all the friends i didn't know
and the buoys with lights that glowed

in the meantime while i don't see you
pretend you miss me, pretend like you do
because maybe if you get used to it
your heart and mine would eventually fit

the guy in front me was dorkily cool.

and he always always try
to walk unseen by the looking crowd
while they wonder who is this person
that walks so unintentionally intriguing.
but none of them dares
to ask why he walks that way,
or whether he would stop one day
just to let them see a while longer.
they give up to the idea
that he's forever in a hurry.

Disakiti Malam

Malam dingin selalu kejam
tidakkah kau setuju?
bukankah pundakmu gemetar karenanya?
tidakkah matamu mulai berair karenanya?

kemari.
menangislah di sampingku malam ini.

Dipermainkan Hujan

Tidakkah kau lihat
di seberang sana
awan mulai menerang
hujan rupanya perlahan menetas,
meludah sembarangan
ke aspal jalanan

Aku dan kamu
(kita berlarian mencari pepohonan)
berharap dahan berdaun mampu
berperan menjadi payung menahan hujan

aku dan kamu
(kita kebasahan di bawah pepohonan)
kita memilih dahan yang salah
tangis, tetesnya ke kepalaku

Aku dan kamu hari itu
(kita kuyup kehujanan)
menangis bersama diam-diam
mengambil kesempatan tertimpa hujan

Kutungu Hadirmu, Nanti, di Sini

sayang sekali, sayang
cinta tak berbentuk rupa
dengan hati saja jarak tidak terlupa
sedangkan rinduku terus menggila.

sudahkah kau lihat keluar?
apakah jendelamu terbuka?
bulanmu malam ini apa?
tanyakan padanya tentang rindu yang kutitipkan.

kutunggu hadirmu, nanti, di sini
berdiri di sampingku, di sisi jendela
menunjuk-nunjuk langit bersama-sama.
menggelembungi hati dengan cinta.

apakah jendelamu terbuka?
di langitku sudah terbit sang purnama.
bulanmu malam ini apa?
sudahkah kau tengok dirinya?

apakah pesan rinduku yang ia bisikkan?
apakah letup hatiku yang ia sampaikan?