Karmic Tune

here's to our karmic tune
and all its wrong melodies
instead of making you swoon
I become most everybody

but at least i can take it slow
I have this patience i can coach
and maybe, baby, in our next life,
you'll be a cockroach I'll despise

don't go away

i used to sit at the park with you
watched together the sky change hue
and we imagined clouds like tarts
counted airplanes, kites and stars

remember how we loved
all the things we pointed up
planes and birds and kites and stars
and all the clouds that looked like tarts

i, as you, still love the memories
but now airplanes are my enemies
because, "airplanes," to you i say
"they always take you away."

listening.

see?
as you play "secret heart"
you begin to ask
the same question
to yours.

Stifle.

i need a stopgap treatment
because all i do is dream
about you and i being us.

Gimme a thousand TVs.

for you.

how i love you is odd.
like an African long for the rain but
fear a two day pour… and secretly he adores
the sweet scent of wet soil after.
like the Kuiper Belt – on the outside, but
with Pluto it grazes the galaxy… it needs a closer look
to comprehend.
how i love you is strange – as alien as what we call
faith: believing something
that is hard to, let alone can be seen,
but nothing proves otherwise so we stand proud.
also is strange, hearing Satie’s Gymnopedie in our heads, while
chasing monsters with butterfly nets in slow motion –
an esoteric thing, enjoyed by
those who anxiously wait to travel
in the speed of light, they have stars to reach
like you; something to fawn upon.
nothing lasts, it comes and goes. but
in a way everything does last, like
how i love you;
a law of Anicca: Impermanence. a bridge
between Dukkha and Anatta. nothing lasts
because they rise and cease to
rise and cease again.
like an Ouroboros. an unstoppable circle.
nothing lasts. but nothing dies.

essentially,
that is
how i love you.

forever

you wish we can fly
and i tipped on my toes
but we see it's a lie
we don't know how to float

alas you and i
forget how to try
flap, flap, flap our wings
but pulled down by this abyss

sing a sad love lullaby
as we drop into this hole
our fingers intertwined
now we'll never let go

what ur looking for

my dear, it's simple.

as simple as life's
thousands of variables
reduced to just one equation
as clear as the
one truest truth
of all the things i offer
it's as beguiling,
as gut-wrenching
as conniving,
as bewitching

as love.

love stoned

ah, jadi kau sedang jatuh cinta
nyaman rasanya, bukan?

aku tahu, aku juga
sedang jatuh cinta

maka jika aku berbunga-bunga...
rangkaian itu untukmu,

tersenyumlah bersamaku

memento

when i die
remember i smiled
and laughed
with you, wreaths on our heads
keep in mind
in my subtle way
i loved
you and all your many ways

awan

awan pecah berbulir-bulir
dan kita berdansa di bawahnya
bersama hujan, bersama jutaan
jiwa yang terlantar kiranya
tapi kita tahu hujan,
dan yang memecah awan
tak ada 'terlantar' bagi kita:
kita di tengah hujan,
sedang jatuh cinta

Golconda

yours is a Golconda;
stunningly prepossessing
with the supposed shine of diamond mines
and it will heal.
but mine is evaporating
as we try here to say and speak
of nothingness and meaninglessness
of words we're both wanting to hear.

Telat.

maumu apa?
keriangan sudah lewat kini
kunjunganmu tak berarti

(un)secretive

i know you know
not a whit of anything i know,
only bits and bits and then pieces
stuck together in an enigma.
an unsolvable conundrum.
a secret that is mine, and i know it all alone
the chest is locked shut, tucked away into nowhere.
but like the chest i am
exuding tiny whispers in the air
alluding to pretended cluelessness.
you know as little as much.

hush hush

talk is cheap
so i won't say it to you
but the next time we take a picture
have a notice of what i'll sign for you

Go

i opened the door
and found a brick wall
a delusional galore
time halted, you stall

now i'll stop being naive
go on, get ready to start
it's time for you to leave
my head and my heart

Statis

soal cinta:
tidak ada yang berubah
masih diinginkan
masih dihindari

come together

we know what it's all about:
broken hearts all over the world
come, unite
let's be broken together
be beaten down together
let's all hold hands
take off your masks
frown that forced smile
altogether now,
cry.

Sumpah Sampah

hari ini kelabu
begitu warna langit menfatwa hati
fluktuasi rasa berhenti dan singgah
di tempat rendah yang paling bawah

tapi sedih itu indah
dan lebih indah jika aku sedih karenamu
berbohong mengatakan, "tidak apa-apa"
tersenyum mengobati luka dengan menusuk-nusuknya

kita berangkulan kemudian dalam hati
bersumpah tidak akan saling mengenang
sumpah kosong sumpah bohong
sumpah,

sampah

sekarang

sungguh jika bisa,
kedatanganku padamu adalah segera
kelahiranku bukanlah dari kenangan
atau sekedar inginmu akan harapan

tak bisakah aku dia yang belum bernama
lalu muncul dari tengah waktu
yang sekarang kau anggap nyaman
yang sekarang kau sebut sekarang

Revelation

this kind of suffocation is unfair
you, mesmerizing me with that stare
all the while I have to look at the ground
I fear my eyes will tell you how my heart pounds

this game is an elaborate one
it's so highly structured that i'm giving up
I can no longer play it incognito
and that is a truth that we both already know

i dream to peacefully exit with the rain
to weep into the midnight without feeling any pain
but no, there you are with a pretended unawareness
belittling me to an unbearable shame