One lazy muse upon solitude

We are not lonely
Alone, but saved.
Rescuers, behold. A handful of gratitude
floating your way.

No sorrow tomorrow.

tapak nyanyian

another duet with Ms. Runi
runi is blue
i am green

dari kejauhan ada gemuruh
dan detik pun bergulung-gulung
wild child, it's time
bunda waktu bersenandung
kinanti sebelum tidur
dan tanya tanya tetap menari


dari kejauhan gemuruh perlahan mendekati
tak ada yang tertidur, tabuh drum itu! tabuh drum itu!
wild child, seek and not weep
sungguh nyaman itu ada
tak kau lihat dia berkelambu gelisah
dan berayun-ayun menggoda angin musim semi


tulip kuning muda temani hatimu berdansa
membisiki janji emas pelangi
memintal-mintal gerakan sampai pening kepalamu bahagia
dan semua menyair hanya satu lagu
wild child, sing your heart out
dan hela nafas senyum itu

lenyap ritual

hanya secangkir kopi di tanganmu.
secangkir untukku di tanganmu,
tak terlihat lagi bentuk rupanya.

pagi tak pernah cerah kembali.




(sooooo stolen from castle.)

antisipasi

seru sekali bukan, 
menjudikan harapan, 
tanpa tahu siapa yang akan menang.
melangkah ke lantai dansa,
setengah bergandeng tangan, 
tapi tidak bersama seperjalanan.
tarik ulur saling menyerang, 
seperti bermain anggar, 
kita terus demikian.
sampai kita menganggukkan,
tanpa berloncat-loncatan,
bertaruh hati dadu ini kita mainkan.

what little time we had you spent it to tell me that you can't love me and then i pitied myself for not feeling the same

why darling, you
must have no idea
how hard it is to
love someone that you know
is going to break
your heart


(kinda stolen from an episode of Castle. kinda.)
(the title sounds like something out of postsecret. which is not a bad thing. at all.)
(i feel kinda blue.)

the invitation

the things that make us so heartbroken
are never about what the letters say
we care more, we are devoted
to what is not written on the page

and to ourselves is a promise of creation
of a barrier before affection steps to enter
gather all the oil, coil, and feed off frustration
shatterproof hearts, for the robots in the future

danse macabre

what is there to know more?
let the music be,
let the cantor sing and stare down.
feel the room under your feet,
just move.
can you taste it, the subtle savor of melancholy?
the grief,
and rapture that seep with each step
while we dance this delicate dance

slow down.
we're in no hurry to end,
are we?

absence

one forgotten wish you have run upon
to give me an echo to listen to in my ears

my dear,
how have you been gone

reasons and treasons

an airplane in the sky draws
letters of our names
inside a gigantic smoky heart.
when it's done it lands down
and we fade into bits
and pieces
of nothingness;
just air.
have we listened to
what we hear ourselves speak of?
not lies, but insist that we are storytellers,
we write fictions;
sincere contradictions.
we write reasons of treasons and they
all make sense.

but peter, how do we get to neverland?

my, my, how peculiar

aiming for a castle of sand

but all is a little bit of blur

and everything is, in never Neverland

the mermaids have all died

the pirates have all drowned

where's that pink house, you lied

no more than just caramel brown

see? no injuns or bears

but contained were our qualms

following behind our trails

bang! there goes the ticking bomb

who razed it into tiny crumbling pangs

then shoved us over the precipice

what has our treasure turned into?

nothing more than just blood on a wrist

so everything never was

second star to the left?

or was everything really was

second star to the left?

jauh di dalam hutan di sebuah pondok tua

berdansa dengan hati terpatah-patah
ditemani asap kepulan kuali
satu jumput, dua jumput akar-akaran
setengah cangkir ramuan istimewa
setangkup penuh kehendak
bercengkerama dengan hati berharap-harap
tak lagi terserak di sebuah pondok tua
berdansa dengan hati terpatah-patah

kudus

hendak ke mana belum terputus langkah kita

setapak berlumpur atau yang kering saja

bersandal jepit asal saling menggengam tangan

tak perlu sampai di tujuan pun tak mengapa

di tengah-tengah nanti kita menengadah

sesekali menikmati hujan dengan mata terbuka

mencari bentangan pita manis di angkasa

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

(ah, itu dia)

unremediable

tell me to keep a secret drawer
fill it with rocks and white and gray quills
but what kind of insurance do feathers offer?
i'm not looking to fly
you can see i'm already floating
do i need wings, still, and
will i find angels with them?
what about these rocks?
will they help me remember the ground,
the sand, the mud that came with each one?
i'm not looking forward to look back
memories are that
just that

and in your secret drawer i see
pencils and a book ready to be written full
but what kind of protection do empty pages hold?
everything is here,
already here within our days
don't you remember, and
don't you remember with your heart?
and why are those pencils short?
if you have spent them on love
letters, why have none come for me?
and why trick is a part of trickle
is still a wonder
i wonder

traumerei*

*by Schumann. i wrote this while listening to it
and you guys should read this, SLOWLY, with Traumerei playing on the background :)

meadow;
four shades of green
we are children
running
through young flowers bloom
no shoes, freedom
we laugh while tumbling
down, we're not falling

did we hold hands?

i
remember
we
spun
holding
hands

butterflies;
five of six we see
we are children
chasing
them away wishing to catch them
we will learn in a few years
we will regret some
and long to feel more

how do we stop?

i
hope
we
will
never
stop

count the clouds
one
two three
fourfiveseventen
and sunshine
the ground is warm
our backs say it is
soft with love

did you feel loved?

i
will
never
not
love
you

meadow;
here is not green
we are children
bright-eyed
stretching our time
springtime must never finish
hush, i hear
Traumerei is playing

are you listening?

i
won't
ever
want
to
leave

Kerlip

blue part by Runi
green part by me

adalah pendar tutur lagumu
yang kuikuti diam-diam
seperti kepik merah totol hitam
berhinggapan dari bunga melati
kuning labu dan matahari

adalah pendar tutur dongengmu
yang kukagumi diam-diam
seperti kunang-kunang kemerlip
mengedip genit memberi asa
pada malam berdegup resah

lihat, berkilauan air danau
tersiram bulan waktu malam
menari-nari gemintangan
mengikuti lagumu yang terdengar
jauh, jauh sampai hatiku berdebar

adalah itu dan semuanya
menggelembungi kau dan aku
terduduk manis terlibat embun pagi
kembali menanti kepik merah totol hitam
berhinggapan pada bunga melati

masked ball

undercover
fancy feathers
intoxicated faces
spirits in tall glasses

hujan dari lantai 42

payung
banyak payung
hujan dari lantai 42
menegangkan
kadang kau takut guntur begitu dekat
tapi payung
banyak payung-- menyenangkan.

Cerita Kanak-Kanak, Reuni

Tersembunyi di balik selimut
adalah celoteh-celoteh kita
ditemani lampu senter yang menyala
terang menyinari kenangan yang tak
seberapa penting namun berharga.
Umur berapa pesta ulang tahunmu hancur
berantakan karena gigimu tanggal tiba-tiba.
Bulan apa tahun berapa kita menyeberang
jalan hampir tertabrak mobil,
hendak mengambil bola.

tale telling

so you want to grow up, but what if i say no
couldn't we just stay here for a moment or so
let's have a childish saturday night
or friday, sunday, any day is fine
finger paint the walls, tell stories in the dark
pretend we're divers surrounded by sharks
fake a lemonade sale outside on the driveway
make believe we live in a castle far, far away
and envious kids will want to explore the chambers
they'll yell from outside saying our names and danger
so cover your ears hard. harder. try to ignore
cause the world is wicked, don't open the door

four words*

i still think that
you should have stayed
then we could have
walked through the park
just like how we
planned it when we
sat by the table
in a cafe somewhere
downtown near the square
we could have tried
crossing the broken bridges
leading to other lands
and get violets that
are not blue unlike
what we have heard
-- i know, i was
in shock like you
violets aren't just blue --
we could have built
a picnic that i
would have had prepared
your favorite, peanut butter
and strawberry jelly, mine
shoes are dumb, we
will go walk barefoot
and let wet grass
caress both our soles
and souls as we
start to hold hands
-- you would initiate it
and i would concur --
you should have stayed
i will love you





*per line.