death

such brilliant eyes are there no more, they have
become dead. buried, depressed. left with
no air to live from.

saint of lost causes come save them.

comfortable

on some days where there are clouds
i look forward to nights with bright stars
a big moon, perfect and round
and flashing lights of passing planes

i expect my share of peace and quiet
that i've consciously created
and troubles and friends
are meticulous weaves i set aside

and so i am well and fine
and i'm comfortably looking for nothing

i am well and fine.

...

aku ingat kamu
bermain kartu membaca masa lalu
mencari ingatan tentang masa depan
membaca pikiran hanya dengan memandang
(aku ingat kamu)

how i love you ver 2.0

how i love you is odd.
like an African long for the rain but
fear a two day pour… and secretly he adores
the sweet scent of wet soil after.
like the Kuiper Belt – on the outside, but
with Pluto it grazes the galaxy… it needs a closer look
to comprehend.
how i love you is strange – as alien as what we call
faith: believing something
that is hard to, let alone can be seen,
but nothing proves otherwise so we stand proud.
also is strange, hearing Satie’s Gymnopedie in our heads, while
chasing monsters with butterfly nets in slow motion –
an esoteric thing, enjoyed by
those who anxiously wait to travel
in the speed of light, they have stars to reach
like you; something to fawn upon.
nothing lasts, it comes and goes. but
in a way everything does last, like
how i love you;
nothing lasts
because they rise and cease to
rise and cease again.
like the leaps and loops and drops
of a roller coaster that
takes you by surprise.
unpredictable, but expected
terrifying, but completely compelling.

essentially,
that is
how i love you.

jalan

hirupbuang. hirupbuang. tahan.
jalan pelan-pelan
nikmati detak jantungmu yang semakin berdebar
kau dengar? itu suara sepi memanggil
barangkali dari depan
atau dari balik punggungmu yang semakin mengecil

wajahmu mulai panas kini
matamu mulai gelap
meninggi mabuk kehilangan rasa
sesak berjalan tanpa udara
berjalan maju tak kembali
tanpa tengok tanpa maksud
untuk pernah berhenti

(semoga kau temukan
di ujung jalan yang sempit ini
ada tarikan nafas yang sempat berhenti)

broken mermaid 2.0

My soul moves like a broken mermaid in the ocean
Stumbling on with exhaustion of being drenched
Silently lurking in despair, it waits
Filled with restlessness for suicidal air

It dreams about waltzing out of tempo into a lethargic dance
With pale fingers clutching on dead roses red
Insidious steps done, two feet alone
A make believe game, with no one to resonate

It smells and feels like the air of a coming storm
Perilous in vulnerability
Prepared to trample itself with violent frustration
Until nothing is heard, nothing is seen

But my soul has been seen cursed and confined to the depths of the heavy seas
What disruption it desires will not come true
My soul is lost, as I am lost
My soul moves like a broken mermaid in the ocean

fear

I remember
the rush on my horrified feet
pedaling away from fear

I remember
the menacing footsteps against the tar
the sound of terror

I remember
the sinister stare over my shoulder
the eyes of the hunter

I remember
my five-year-old self escaping
my neighbor's dog

ziel

My soul moves like a broken mermaid in the ocean
dreams about waltzing out of tempo into a lethargic dance
smells and feels like the air of a coming storm
has been seen cursed and confined to the depths of the heavy seas





format taken from 'Poetry Everywhere' by Jack Collom and Sheryl Noethe.

scirocco

hampir-hampir lalu hari ini
hendak beranjak namun kemudian ada yang hinggap
adalah rupamu pada kenangan
sehalus angin semilir mengecup ramah dedaunan

entah
aku ingin berlama-lama di sini
sekedar menikmatimu yang tak benar-benar ada

lagu untuk siapa

den/ting/

yang kutakutkan bukan hatiku yang pecah
tapi milikmu yang berhamburan

a number of small things

with you at home,
a wreath hanging on the front door
chocolate soup cooking on the range,
home, underneath blankets

such a quiet, quiet city
all we hear
is somebody's soft trumpet
faint tunes of the night

ballerina

spin dance spin.
spin until the melody's no longer.

stop.
wind again.

spin dance spin.
spin until you mellow out.
close the box and i am folded
into nothing.

spin dance spin.
spin dance.
spin.

stop.

wind again and leave me
dance you out of my heart.

echo

sepi!
(sepi
sepi
sepi
sepi)

wwyd?

flutterby, flutterby
can't you hear my heart sigh
when we go see fireflies dancing?
some subtlety you're not getting
(what if i told you i'm in love?)

War

almost morning, love.
cometh, vicious enemy called time
two hands and a face,
deciding enough

Magic Boy

[this is for the boy
with his magical deploy]

i sing songs
all day long
you do tricks
just for kicks

out from your hat
a little blue cat
one pair of socks
and a grandfather's clock

out from your head
"you grow flowers!" i said
a little bit of incentive
for something else you're going to give

abracadabra and alakazam!
there you wand with a big kind of bang
from behind a mystifying smoke
you appear with a rainbow-colored cloak

what's the occasion to be treated sky high?
a question to which you proudly reply,
"to hand you my heart, of course,
something mine that has always been yours."

hancur pelan-pelan

sebab apa yang seharusnya kau ketahui? apakah keinginanku
menari bersama di bawah hujan? untuk bertelanjang kaki
bermain lumpur bersamamu? dan berlari-larian mengejar
kupu-kupu di padang rumput yang hanya muncul di malam hari?

tapi sebab dan inginku hanya berupa sunyi. jika tak
kau sadari sekarang maka selamanya kusimpan
mungkin lain kali, mungkin.

(tapi diam-diam aku beruraian, diam-diam
aku pecah berpelantingan)

inspirasi

membacamu suatu perjuangan,
sepertibukutebaltanpatitiktanpakoma
lari lari dan lari terdengar suaraku
sendirian membaca ceritamu

saat ini kau tengah beristirahat
mesin ketik tak tik tak tik tak sibuk mengetik
menikmati segelas teh hangat yang sudah
dingin terbengkalai sejak tadi malam,
sambil mengasbak puntung ke-19 rokok milikmu itu

ah, sunyi kamar ini, kataku
kau hanya diam dan aku teraba-aba untuk pergi
baju yang berserakan satu-persatu kupunguti,
kupakai lagi menurut tampilan kemarin
petang.

kau hanya diam, menarik napas sejenak
sambil menengok ke arah pintu.
menunggu siapa dirimu? inspirasi takkan
datang lewat pintu

tapi kau tak menunggu kedatangan.
kau menyuruhku untuk pulang

membacamu penuh perjuangan, kataku
membuka pintu

...

dari depan mesin ketikmu yang sudah
mulai mengetik tak tik tak tik kembali,
kau pastikan,

kita jumpa lagi nanti malam?

Karmic Tune

here's to our karmic tune
and all its wrong melodies
instead of making you swoon
I become most everybody

but at least i can take it slow
I have this patience i can coach
and maybe, baby, in our next life,
you'll be a cockroach I'll despise

don't go away

i used to sit at the park with you
watched together the sky change hue
and we imagined clouds like tarts
counted airplanes, kites and stars

remember how we loved
all the things we pointed up
planes and birds and kites and stars
and all the clouds that looked like tarts

i, as you, still love the memories
but now airplanes are my enemies
because, "airplanes," to you i say
"they always take you away."