deru angin dan banjuran air hujan membuat hari ini lebih dingin, walaupun jam baru menunjukkan pukul 11. matahari yang sedari pagi memang bersembunyi di balik awan masih bersinar walaupun terlihat temaram. aku duduk sendiri, menunggu makhluk-makhluk lain berdatangan sambil mengepakkan sayap-sayap indah mereka.
sembari melipat kaki agar terlindung dari air hujan yang menetes dari palang, kuperhatikan bunga-bunga yang ada di dekatku. begitu basah, kelopaknya terlihat akan segera sobek dan rusak. rerumputan di sekitarnya juga basah, namun aku tidak begitu peduli karena...hanya karena mereka tidak menarik.
...dingin.
aku merinding kedinginan, terkena hujan kemudian angin. dan makhluk-makhluk itu belum ada yang datang. wajar, derasnya air yang tumpah dari atas pasti membuat mereka kesusahan untuk mencapai tempat ini.
akhirnya kubuka agendaku dan mulai membuat garis-garis tidak beraturan. gambaran perasaanku saat itu. ruwet. berbagai macam rasa bercampur menjadi satu. aku berganti gerakan tangan dan membuat tulisan-tulisan yang tak ada artinya. kalimat-kalimat kosong yang tidak berfungsi apa-apa. dangkal. kalimat-kalimat murahan yang kudapat dari lirik-lirik lagu.
...dingin.
...bosan.
aku merinding kedinginan sambil menumpuk kebosanan, terkena hujan, angin, kemudian sepi, dan makhluk-makhluk itu belum ada yang datang. padahal aku sudah menanti kepakan sayap-sayap cantik sedari tadi. wajar, derasnya air hujan pasti menghambat mereka.
si hijau milikku tidak bertenaga lagi. baterainya habis, keberadaannya sia-sia. kupalingkan lagi wajahku ke bawah, menatap agenda yang masih terbuka tadi. kali ini kuputuskan untuk menulis apa saja yang keluar lewat gerakan tangan, tanpa berpikir.
jadilah lembaran-lembaran kertas semakin penuh dengan coretan tanpa arti. gabungan dari tulisan, garis, kurva, dan titik-titik yang tidak bermakna. yah, setidaknya aku terlihat sibuk.
...dingin.
...bosan.
...pegal.
aku merinding kedinginan, menumpuk kebosanan, sambil menggerakkan leherku yang mulai pegal setelah dilanda hujan, angin, dan sepi. hujan mulai melunak, merintik. suasana semakin sunyi, namun entah mengapa saat itu aku mendengar sesuara memanggil namaku. akhirnya, sambil menoleh ke arah pintu mencari sumber suara tadi, sudut mataku menangkap sosok-sosok familiar.
mereka datang.
makhluk-makhluk yang kutunggu sedari tadi sudah datang, lengkap dengan sayapnya masing-masing. berkilauan dengan indah terkena tetesan hujan dan sinar matahari sekaligus.
...
kupu-kupu? malaikat? hanya aku yang tahu.
...
"ada kelas apa?"
aku tersenyum hendak menjawaqb, dan pada saat itulah hujan seperti berhenti, dan matahari menembus awan-awan yang menghalangi, memelukku dengan kehangatan, seolah ia menyayangiku.
23 October 2005
short ones
and when i say
all the nice things about you
they would only be an understatement
because you're above and beyond
anything i'd ever hoped for
________
betapa inginnya aku bicara apa adanya.
tapi ketika aku bilang matamu bagus
kamu bilang "aku tahu, semua orang juga bilang begitu"
________
tak maukah kau duduk di sini?
sebentar saja,
sekedar menemani air mataku
sampai alirnya terhenti
dan kalau kuulang lagi
permintaan picisan ini
masih tak maukah kau duduk di sini?
menemani?
_________
so what is it you want me to do?
i'll get up, go, and do it for you.
if you tell me to fly high,
i'll go get a star from your favorite sky.
take your time, it's okay to be late
believe me it is, i'll just stay and wait
if you want me to be here, i will
even when you don't need me near.
if you tell me to fly high,
i'll go get a star from your favorite sky.
all the nice things about you
they would only be an understatement
because you're above and beyond
anything i'd ever hoped for
________
betapa inginnya aku bicara apa adanya.
tapi ketika aku bilang matamu bagus
kamu bilang "aku tahu, semua orang juga bilang begitu"
________
tak maukah kau duduk di sini?
sebentar saja,
sekedar menemani air mataku
sampai alirnya terhenti
dan kalau kuulang lagi
permintaan picisan ini
masih tak maukah kau duduk di sini?
menemani?
_________
so what is it you want me to do?
i'll get up, go, and do it for you.
if you tell me to fly high,
i'll go get a star from your favorite sky.
take your time, it's okay to be late
believe me it is, i'll just stay and wait
if you want me to be here, i will
even when you don't need me near.
if you tell me to fly high,
i'll go get a star from your favorite sky.
04 October 2005
Mati Suri
lalu sepi menghampiri
berisik suara berubah sunyi
dan tembok bata yang mengelilingi
perlahan mulai rontok
satu demi satu
orang-orang di dalamnya menghilang
memburam pergi perlahan
seiring leburnya batu
lalu sepi menghampiri
berisik suara berubah sunyi
berisik suara berubah sunyi
dan tembok bata yang mengelilingi
perlahan mulai rontok
satu demi satu
orang-orang di dalamnya menghilang
memburam pergi perlahan
seiring leburnya batu
lalu sepi menghampiri
berisik suara berubah sunyi
Under Pressure
Water submerge my lungs
to find it's better to watch from afar
to find i'm better set aside
as the truth concealed has been revealed
i can't feel my breathing
as the air is taken away from me
replaced by so much misery
and i begin to prefer being lonely
the cold is spreading
my head is aching
and i can't stop wishing
a beginning for an ending
but i guess the end's already written
i won't ever get The Fates to listen
anyway, i promise today i won't be bitter
i'll stand near nowhere but in the middle
to find it's better to watch from afar
to find i'm better set aside
as the truth concealed has been revealed
i can't feel my breathing
as the air is taken away from me
replaced by so much misery
and i begin to prefer being lonely
the cold is spreading
my head is aching
and i can't stop wishing
a beginning for an ending
but i guess the end's already written
i won't ever get The Fates to listen
anyway, i promise today i won't be bitter
i'll stand near nowhere but in the middle
asap dan wangi menthol memberikan kenyamanan
aku menikmati kesedihan
bertemankan sakit hati
menunggu sampai datangnya waktu
ketika kamu berjalan ke arahku
sehingga asap dan wangi menthol menyelubungi
nikotin meracuni otak dan hati
kabut dan tabir menyelimuti yang nyata
dan aku berubah lebih bahagia
bertemankan sakit hati
menunggu sampai datangnya waktu
ketika kamu berjalan ke arahku
sehingga asap dan wangi menthol menyelubungi
nikotin meracuni otak dan hati
kabut dan tabir menyelimuti yang nyata
dan aku berubah lebih bahagia
a morning rambling
it was early in the morning
when interestingly enough
i'd rather listen to the commercials
because the djs were sucky.
but the ads started to become boring
it was the same brands and taglines
following the same annoying jingles
on every freakin' frequency.
so i turned down the volume
because i can't turn the radio off.
cause i can't stand the quietness
or the loudness of the voices inside my head.
i heard hissing and swearing
as if i was in a movie about witches
casting spells in front of a kettle.
but there were no filmrolls,
it was just the fireworks
going off in my head.
i heard kabooms and crashings
as if i was in a movie about wars
with bloody soldiers, canons and bombs.
but there were no explosions.
they were the ocean waves
i'm wishing too hard to hear right then.
i closed my eyes as i breathe
and for a split second,
i swear, in the dark, everyone was running
leaving behind those "EAT MY DUST" laughters
in RGB color, with full speed,
while i was still standing,
colorless and motionless.
and so,
as i began to feel tired
of all the commotion going on,
i opened my eyes,
and gazed to my right
through the window of my car.
and found serenity
from the cars
stuck, all so motionless
in the middle of the traffic.
when interestingly enough
i'd rather listen to the commercials
because the djs were sucky.
but the ads started to become boring
it was the same brands and taglines
following the same annoying jingles
on every freakin' frequency.
so i turned down the volume
because i can't turn the radio off.
cause i can't stand the quietness
or the loudness of the voices inside my head.
i heard hissing and swearing
as if i was in a movie about witches
casting spells in front of a kettle.
but there were no filmrolls,
it was just the fireworks
going off in my head.
i heard kabooms and crashings
as if i was in a movie about wars
with bloody soldiers, canons and bombs.
but there were no explosions.
they were the ocean waves
i'm wishing too hard to hear right then.
i closed my eyes as i breathe
and for a split second,
i swear, in the dark, everyone was running
leaving behind those "EAT MY DUST" laughters
in RGB color, with full speed,
while i was still standing,
colorless and motionless.
and so,
as i began to feel tired
of all the commotion going on,
i opened my eyes,
and gazed to my right
through the window of my car.
and found serenity
from the cars
stuck, all so motionless
in the middle of the traffic.
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